Hail Caesar!

In for Viv amidst many a cheer
Celebrated throughout a journeyman career

A promising product of the youth system
Publicised errors led many to condemn

What should have been glory in the league cup
A fatal error allowing Danny boy to polish up

Thus began the tumultous storm in the teacup
With Stroller deciding on a defensive perk up

At least Gus made way for the famous back four
Leaking goals wouldn’t be a problem anymore

Though countless bookmarked Gus as an total zero
You will remain always a bona fide cult hero

Gus was never a regular Berserker
He came, he saw, though he didn’t quite conquer

© Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

Experience is the teacher of all things.
Julius Caesar

Gus Caesar Rap

Abdullah Bin Masud - Sage & Scholar

Liverpool 0 - 1 Havant & Waterlooville Le tiss & Stellers go nuts! - FA Cup (26/01/08)

Kings Road chic changed the boy! – The (ever grateful) Michael essien story

The Kings Road boutiques greet you
With passionate red
A far cry from the days
When the family struggled for bread

Spare some nicker guvnor
For your old man if you please!

I used to be the elderly chap
Who happened to be your first coach
Bearer of the brunt of all hardship
Until the Francs came looking to poach

Spare lady Godiva guvnor
For your old man if you please!

Ewutu Bwajiase’s proudest son
You’ve now gone on to become
All the trappings of prosperity
Now you’re greeted by a bongo drum

Spare a tenner guvnor
For your old man if you please!

A dream to see my boy play
What a proud man I’d be
It’s a tad difficult though
When you live of fiddy pee

Spare a score guvnor
For your old man if you please!

Whilst you prance around with royalty
I live off a half noble
Sovereigns are your associates
As an icon you’ve gone global

Spare pony guvnor
For your old man if you please!

And for your better half you indulge
House, car, splendid boudoir
Your future is assured
As sure as the night is noir

Spare half a ton guvnor
For your old man if you please!

I tried my best son
Got you that scholarship
Liberty and Bastia took the gauntlet

Bestowing the tools to equip
Spare a ton guvnor
For your old man if you please!

Your siblings and folks are so proud of you
The Ghana cap my victory cigar
Illuminated the village of Odoben
The day you became a black star

Spare monkey guvnor
For your old man if you please!

I don’t know who to turn to
The hollow pain I suppress
Your titanic success has left me
Destitute and penniless

Spare a grand guvnor
For your old man if you please!

Spare some crust grand guvnor
For your old man if you please!

Spare some readies guvnor
For your old man if you please!

Spare some Wonga guvnor
For your old man if you please!

© Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

I'm very close to my Dad - and I wrote this after reading how Esseien's pa is on 50 p a day. That and an obsession with profiling ungratefulness, be it within me or others. Or maybe it's a sour grapes pop at one of the best midfielders on the planet, after Gerrard Houllier had missed out on a work permit for Essien to join Liverpool.

I'm sure that Michael probably experienced hardships as Essien junior was monogamous. The best part was when Mr Essien said that a £500.00 second hand gift of a Mitsubishi Gallant was untouched as he couldn't afford the fuel. Young Michael must have some feeling, otherwise as he wouldn't have bought his old man a car if the relationbship was beyond repair.

Essy will do the right thing - he will look after his family.
Spread the wealth mate, spread the love!

Rumbled - Newsnight exposes Policy Exchange Anti-Muslim propaganda

Don't worry about the apology boys - nobodies holding breath

Havant the boys done well

Havant the boys done well

West Leigh’s finest journeyed up for the jolly boys jaunt
For a daytrip to the palaces of Anfield
Shaun Gale's paupers had won their right to showcase
On the finest football stage they would flaunt

Lo and behold; those darned Hawks left behind their etiquette
As the decorum instructions were ignored and ripped
The peers of the realm were given a 45 minute pasting
Someone remind that binman the script

The dream ends here King Gerrard had proclaimed
In the lead up to the greatest mismatch of all
An aristocratic red whirlwind in the second half
Ensured Beny left with the match ball

Pacquette hollered as the landed gentry exited
Potter yelped amidst the hullabaloo
Rafa’s upper crust had just scraped through
Thus averting their very own Waterloo

© Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

Who ate all the pies? – Phat XI

As I pen another XI the enchantment is hard to conceal
This ones not from the dressing room, rather the pre match meal

Were talking megastars of the rotund variety
Of gluttonous pie eating notoriety

Gutbusters United on an industrial king size plate
Before we commence, pass the curry sauce mate!

Olive Kahn swears by spare rib with rare beef steak
Whilst eater Shilton recommends 6 carb original cheesecake

Fatty Foulkes blamed Oreo cookies for making him a mound
Flan Molby, fat and round, weighing a million pound

Galloping Puskas attributed his cannon shot to deep cooked fries
Brick Quinnie was not far off, with his bakewell tart surprise

Baked bean Windass, was often seen lunging at the butterkist popcorn
And Steve (twenty) Stone, courted canary pud, with absolutely no scorn

Good to eat Van Diego Maradoner, with extra lashings of Mayo
Brawl Gazza corned beef–flushed with crème de cacao

Thomas the tank Brolin dinked it, smothered in peanut butter
Neville Southalle’s pie melton Mowbray, more often worth a flutter

Matt Le Tiss spread the love, with generous portions of Salami Danish
Veal Ruddock sacked by Swindon, swapping sausage Frankfurter –for the fish

Tum Huddlestone Lardy tardy taa, not really a green giant
Brandy Reid and sausage Bockwurst – compliant, reliant, defiant

Croissant Hartson’s thousand Island dressing lavished on battered bonito
Herculian Dicks likes nothing better than Chipotle chicken burrito

Chicken Kiev-in Pressman, mastered diving into a Burger King quad stacker
Meal Shipperley roasted white meat chicken, topped off with premium pot pie cracker

McDonald Koeman threw a tantrum, to avoid at all costs the steamer
Not to be outdone, he’s joined by a noble, Ronaldo Nazario de creamer

Fromage Gravesen left Madrid because of the poor quality beef sirloin
Adriano though is staying for Caffè Mocha, with whole milk, whipped cream and aloin.

Advance regret to the Ormondroyd cult, although it may sound downright rude
Peter Crouch fanclub, eat away at your hearts, food, glorious food.

© Emdad Rahman - www.football-poems.com

life or death - haiku

Confront the concept
Is football more important?
Or was shanks jesting?

(c) Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

sods law - haiku

manc derby d day
backheeled to oblivion
blue law reigns supreme

(c) Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

realm of footballs first knight - haiku

meritorious
sultan of planet football
wizard of dribble

(c) Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

houchens mighty leap - haiku

bennets pinpoint dink
houchen glides full length to join
fa hall of fame

(c) Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

Isolated wisdom from the unheard corner

I sit there shivering, oblivious to all and sundry
Unnoticed I stand sulking, be it rain, shine or windy

The luminaries clasp me and thrust their pelvis
Freddie, Jagger, Lennon, but mostly it’s Elvis

If they asked me I’d solve every goal lone dispute
Alas from my position I could never uproot

No argy, no bargy, not a whisker of a false claim
My decision would be final, get on with the game!

© Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

You still have three chances to guess who I am

Stepney boys return from Tata Football Academy in India with a bag of experience

Around 30 young squad members (predominantly of Bangladeshi origin) of Stepney Football Club have just returned from a 8 day ‘training trip’ to the football academy of Tata Group of Companies based in Jamshedpur, Jharkhand.

For nearly a year, the budding footballers from the east end of London had been working very hard to raise sufficient funds to realise their dream. The football team received generous financial help from big organisations such as Tata Consultancy Services (TCS), Corus Steel and Tetley Tea and other private and public sector organisations.

The Chairman Mr. Bashir and the current Honorary President of Stepney FC Cllr. Abdal Ullah in a joint statement said “this amazing opportunity only came into fruition is because everyone came forward to help. The support provided by the TCS from the inception of the project plan to the completion of the tour has been simply fantastic. At times when going was getting tougher, TCS always came forward to offer us support and guidance. We would like to take this opportunity to thank TCS and its staff for everything they have done to date. Without TCS this dream would not have been achieved.

Once the boys reached the Football Academy there was no way back. They endured five solid days of training which also included one-to-one coaching. Life in the academy was totally different from the life in the east end of London. Minhaz, who is currently leading the young wing of Stepney FC found it to be very tough and challenging.

He said “Out trip to the academy was an awesome opportunity for us to explore the life of a potential professional footballer. It was tough going especially when we had to get up and be ready to commence training by 7am. It was a complete shock to our system but by the time we completed our stay there we already started to feel the positive impact of a disciplined lifestyle. During our stay we learnt many football skills as well as other aspect of the game including fitness, discipline and healthy lifestyle. I hope that our boys will now implement what they have learnt in India”.

When the club was not playing football they were actively engaged with the local communities of Jamshedpur. The team members were on hand to help the football academy arrange a ‘basti (village) football tournament’ to celebrate 100 years of Tata Steel’s existence. This was a wonderful opportunity for the tour party to get a better understanding of poverty and social exclusion and how it affected the lives of millions of young people in India and around the world. The Group also visited a centre for disabled and mentally ill women and spent time finding out about the project. The Co-ordinator of Stepney FC Mr Akik Miah said, “We were delighted to be able to offer our hands to the academy as it gave us an opportunity to give something back to the local community. It was also a wonderful chance to get a better understanding of the complexities of being disadvantaged. Although Stepney FC is from a deprived inner London borough the level of deprivation in Jamshedpur witnessed by our members will remind them how fortunate they are in the UK”.

In the last leg of the trip, Stepney FC boys played two friendly matches against a Tata Academy XI. The first match was a very close encounter as Stepney forced a 1-1 draw. It was a fantastic spectacle for everyone involved and Stepney could have sneaked in a winner in the last five minutes of the game. In the second match, the academy side won 2-0. It was great opportunity to see how Stepney boys fared against future Indian international stars. Although Stepney is a successful amateur club it was really pleasing for the management and players to be involved in games where everything was at a professional level.

The tour party landed back to the UK on Saturday night at Heathrow Airport where they were greeted by parents and their local supporters. Reports, pictures and videos will be uploaded on the clubs website at: www.stepneyfc.com

Heaven on earth

Amidst much merriment in Chez Bangura
Young Al clinched his position in the promised land
And after joyously trampolining his four poster bed
A ten pin bowl game and a playing brass band

As Al declares Watford as heaven on earth
The culture capital is now in Herfordshire
With an overstatement the size of Reg Dwight’s ego
Paris, Milan, Tokyo are all dire

Welcome Al, wake up Al, you’re in paradise now
Reach out, heave and touch the light
Having escaped the dark society of Soko
Your future is now very bright

© Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

Welcome Al - A highlighly skilled immigrant that is benefitting the society he lives in, as well as contributing to many a coffer - it should have been a doddle.

Though after hearing Watford being described as paradise had me reaching for the quill. :)

Disney on Tyneside

On a bleak, crisp, morose day up North
The zebra striped faithful march on, back and forth
Though desolate and morbid is the weather
Harry’s passed, Houllier’s favourite, yeah, right whatever!
A chink of light pierces the gloomy chaparral
As the Toon herald the return of the prodigal
And king Kev the artiste rides in on his trusty steed
Unfinished business, from henceforth we proceed
Happy days are here again as St James becomes a Shrine
Yes, fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine
And as the bellow gathers force from Northshields to Gateshead
Peter Pan’s return is one not many will dread
You see all the so called big names were stabs in the dark
Now Magpie fortunes are a raging inferno’s spark
But still many are stunned with the return of King Kev
The faithful rear their motors – full pedal to the rev
The most emotional man in football will guarantee
Champagne football as all rub hands in glee
Or Kamikaze as Scunthorpe’s greatest throws another hissy fit
Either way, “I would just love it, I would just love it!, I would just love it!’

© Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

Banksy - Vandal or artist?

Is this grafitti or art?

It's a monstrosity if you believe my pal (Robocop) Councillor Abdal Ullah of the cleaner, greener, safer variety Councillor ullah has declared war on Banksy:- "Graffiti is a crime. It spoils the environment, makes our neighborhoods feel less safe, and costs thousands of pounds each year to clean." Not long after this comment, a stencilled message appeared with the legend 'commissioned by Tower Hamlets Council.'

A BBC report during the tailend of last year highlighted that Tower Hamlets council was the first council to categorise the Guerilla artists workmanship as vandalism.

At the time of press Banksy's original rat from the West Bank - Palestine has already reached £8,323.33 with almost 6 days of the auction left.

So does this cheer up our great borough or is it an ugly eyesore? - Council supremo Denise jones is a paid up patron of the arts and I'm counting on the borough supporting the eventual sale of the offending art to hopefully raise revenue for worthy causes. The wall is actually part of the Bethnal Green Working Men’s club. In an interview with the East London advertiser Club secretary Steve Smorthit said: “They can’t get rid of it… it’s our property!”

I personally think it's wonderful. Over to the readers...

One to watch - Abidur Rahman - Nasheed artist extraordinaire

This kid will take Inshad singing to another level. He's already a seasoned singer and even performed at the Islam Channel GPU 2008. Meet Kazi Abidur Rahman, a pupil of Isha-atul Islam (Ford Square Mosque), London. I'm considering taking Abid under my wing so please direct any enquiries here :)You heard it hear first!

Jaws of victory

An unlikely and mammoth Israeli victory
Guaranteed gold for the merry men of John Terry

Croats at fortress Wembley - let there reign no fear
A posse of pretenders, Macedonia made disappear

But... snatching certain defeat from the jaws of victory
Is an English custom, bemusing all and sundry

Thanks to Macca we tried the great Scott Carson
His person was shredded, left like a victim of arson

And where was Hargreaves when the defence needed protection
As Macca threw the kitchen sink to all out action

A Croat victory cost Bilic a premiership position
But for Blanc's best mate Italy's on the horizon

© Emdad Rahman
www.football-poems.com

Fright Night Hoodoo - 17th November 2007

As the tartan hordes gathered expectation engulfed Glasgow
And the national beverage was in full flow

as Donadoni's Azzurri descended new Hampden Park
A sly smile spread on every Scot face, mean , broody and dark

On horror saturday Big Eck's soldiers were poised to attack
Viciously, no mercy, ripped to shreds like a bonito shark

The visitors would be torn amidst much trepidation
Engulfed in the roar of a united nation

For it was the 17th of of November, remember that laddie
The world champions would be humbled - they were beaten already

Toni draws first blood and the Italians look classy
It'll be a famous scot victory, you hear that lassie?

The heat of battle begins to rise, it seems at the touch of a button
Nonetheless personified, by the immeasurable Alan Hutton

Pressure bore fruit as Fergie of the Rangers at last unleashed hell
The superstitious screamed down the rafters, a wounded prey they could smell

From the stands watched the good PM Gord
As the visitors were attacked as sacrificial lambs to the sword

But on the night of the date that was to be a bad fate
The famous victory never materialised leaving many irate

As Pirlo's deft delivery left the home defence flapping
Panucci scored with many a head scratching

Once again Scotland the brave, gallantly miss out on the action
Just what was that legend about Azzurri superstition?

© Emdad Rahman - www.football-poems.com

Arise Sir Bob!

Arise Sir Bob!
To rightfully claim
An honour that eluded you

Arise Sir Bob!
Appraise the dynasty
Spreading from Toxteth to Palma Christi

Arise Sir Bob!
Fine tuning a red hurricane - wreaking worldwide havoc
Using the finest thoroughbreds from the most renowned paddock
Arise Sir Bob!
Look back on the glory days of yore
Stacks of silverware, that no soul can ignore

Arise Sir Bob!
Product of the most famous bootroom dynasty
Moran, Fagan, Dalglish, Evans - all too a part of this tree

Arise Sir Bob!
Player, coach, physio, gaffer supreme
Led a dock city that became Europe's cream

Arise!
Sir Bob Paisley

© Emdad Rahman

www.football-poems.com